Slump
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More motivational and cute art at the artist's page http://chibird.com/ |
As I grow older, I find myself being more open to emotions. I cry more easily and openly, I laugh at more silly things, I get soft at cute and happy things, and angry at the unfairness of the world. But with that comes being susceptible to sadness and loneliness too. I'm having more days when things don't feel good. I sleep more, I eat irregularly, I'd watch but not be able focus or be easily distracted.
Everyone has bad days. For some it's days, for others weeks, months, or years. Whether life is currently a constant source of stress, something changed in your life, or it's something more like depression or anxiety, it's difficult to pass.
For those moments, everything seems a little dull, a little grey or just unimportant. Even the most basic tasks seem like getting blood from stone. It's very easy to let yourself and your environment go.
Mental illness is tough. People don't see it and it's often misunderstood or brushed aside. I can't speak for other people, especially as someone who has never gone to the doctor, and only have friends' accounts to go on.
Many well meaning people, including myself, have given 'advice' of just exercise, do some meditation! Eat healthily! Then you'll be ~all right~. Band aid applied, off you go, you're happy, let's move on. I think we forget to realise that sometimes it's not as easy as that. Different things work for different people, on different times. What worked last time might not now, and for sure getting over it a few times doesn't mean it won't be back again. Such is life.
I've read and adapted a few things along the years that really changed how I think and what to do on days when I feel myself withdrawing or unusually down. I hope something here helps you too!
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Taking care of yourself is good even if it won't cure you.
No, exercising will not miraculously cure depression, but it may help you feel a little better. Cleaning your room won't make you suddenly think "Now that my house/room is in order, my life is great", but cleaning up a little will keep your environment a little healthier to be around in.
Common sense fails to apply sometimes and you wonder why you feel so much energised after eating. Some of the things I try to always do to make me feel a little less uncared for are:
- brushing my teeth and showering (nothing like feeling clean to really change your mood)
- putting on clean, decent clothes (pyjama day all day is fine, but not if it's been 3 days)
- moisturising (maybe it's just me, but I hate the feeling of dry and tight skin. Do yourself a favour and get some nice smelling creams. and pamper every bit of skin on your body)
- eating a warm meal and drinking more water
- making my bed
- opening my curtains and windows (fresh air and a bit of sunshine without going out is also good)
- singing to myself (okay bear with me here. I'm great at isolating myself indoors so I find myself not talking for a long time. Singing is my get around to hearing and using my voice. I also find myself holding tension in my jaw sometimes, or grinding my teeth, which leads to mini headaches. So relaxing the mouth to sing is pretty easy to do. Also singing along to your favourite songs can be very uplifting so, yes please do that.)
Do things even if you're sad.
It's difficult, as much as you want to try. Sometimes you're too sad or numb to move. Logic, energy levels and motivation just don't cooperate. Even brushing your teeth or making tea seems like a chore.But you know what? If you can do them even while you're sad, you've still done them. Maybe you won't enjoy the meal you've cooked, but you cooked and hopefully ate. Your body will thank you for it. Let yourself be sad, but try not to let it take over your life. It will take a lot of energy from you, but you got this.
Do something (visually) productive.
It doesn't have to be a big project. A little thing like writing a diary entry, doodling, colouring, putting dishes away, rearranging your bookshelf, or rearranging your pile of dirty clothes...Anything where you can see a before and after. Often, I feel exceptionally low when I've spent most of my day just passively doing things. The only thing I've done is binge watch cat videos on YouTube, or grow my queue on Tumblr.
So I try to do little things that I can see I've changed, made, or improved. Recently, I started knitting again. It's something light and repetitive, which is great for the days when everything is just too much. Journaling and blogging also helps because I enjoy reading back on what past me was up to.
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| I finished my first scarf! I really enjoyed this actually, and now I have an extra scarf for the colder months. |
Give a compliment or send a positive/nice message to someone.
I love this. If I'm gonna be sad, I try to at least make one other person not. It's reaching out to someone without feeling like you're unloading on them. And sometimes you don't want to unload, but maybe just talk casually.But really, for me at least, I love receiving random funny memes or cute messages, so I assume other people appreciate them too. Even a simple "good morning!" or a "hope your day's going well" may make someone's day. And I mean that to include strangers too, like wait staff, commute officers, retail workers and maybe even a workmate you've never spoken to.
Words of affirmation could be someone's love language, so give it a shot. It takes a minute of your time to be nice, what's to lose?
In a similar vein, check up on your loved ones about their well being once in a while. Just remind them that you're there and thinking of them. Even when things seem to be going well, a little hello might be appreciated.
Or send a funny meme or tweet, like a gen Z or millennial that you are.
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| This is always going to be funny to me. |
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| Credit: Kira-Nyan |
It's okay to ask
Okay, I admit this one may be difficult and I still have a roundabout way of doing it. (See previous point, and maybe this whole post)But it's okay to tell your friends and family that you're not doing well. It's okay to ask them for help, or just a little extra encouragement, validation, and love on some days. It's okay to ask them for space, or a little time out. Maybe they will, maybe they can't. Maybe they'll worry and hound you.
But it's important to try to be honest about your wants and needs. It's also important to communicate that to people. There's that saying, "If you don't ask, you don't get."
You don't have to be alone. In fact, you're probably not. You shouldn't have to think about looking needy or attention seeking. If that's what you need, ask for it. Ask it from people you know who can and will give them to you. And if it's professional help you need, that's good too. Everyone needs a helping hand.
The one-minute rule
To wrap this up, ever heard of the "one-minute rule"? It's the idea that you must do tasks that only take a minute. I lived by this for a while and tried doing "5 minute / 10 minute tasks". The point is, if you can do it in a minute, or five or 10, do it now. Wash that coffee cup, reply to an email or message, send that funny meme you've been saving for reasons unknown, water your plants, make your bed, clean your make up brushes.We often get overwhelmed by the lists of tasks we put on ourselves. Being distracted is also so easy. But start small, do often, and hopefully you'll see some changes. Imagine how many tasks you can do in an hour!
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I'm aware I don't take care of myself the best at times. So these may sound really hypocritical especially to people who know me well. And at some point, I do have to get my life together and stop habitually trapping myself in these kind of moods.
It's a matter of noticing whenever it happens and what to do. Let's just say I'm still working on it. And if you are too, high five to you buddy. Take care of yourself as if you're taking care of a very stubborn friend.
Let's be kind to ourselves. We'll be alright.
x Sheila
